We women are fascinated by men who launch themselves into the world alone, free from constraints and obligations, without feeling the need to take care of the needs of others. The elusive man is led to think negatively about the girl, seeing her as needy of attention and too dependent.
The elusive man lives a deeply rooted loneliness even if he has a bond, he always maintains a certain mental distance and an escape route.
Why do men disappear? It is a condition that is difficult for you to accept. The elusive man has the need for closeness in the relationship, but he tries in every way to repress it. He is less willing to open up, less comfortable in intimacy. An elusive man constantly maneuvers to keep a girl at a distance. While you strongly seek intimacy, he feels very uncomfortable when you get close. Just like a trap. You fall without realizing it, once you end up inside it is difficult to free yourself.
You find yourself in a vicious cycle whereby the insecurities of both intensify: you deal with the threats to the relationship by trying to get closer to him, the elusive man has the opposite reaction, he deals with the threat by taking measures to distance himself. The more you try to get closer, the more he distances himself. There is never any balance in the relationship.
You are about to discover why a man distances himself:
When the elusive man shows himself available, an absolute intimacy is achieved that leads to a feeling of “high”. This closeness is perceived as a threat and followed by his distancing, thus creating new dissatisfaction in you. This situation can go on for a long time, with an element of uncertainty.
You become anxious the moment you start having a relationship with an elusive man, you have the feeling that this story is not right for you, but you feel too emotionally involved to end it.
To achieve greater security, both of you must find a way to feel less threatened. He feels strong and independent only to the extent that you are more autonomous and less needy of attention.
A study found that an elusive man prefers an anxious woman, and an anxious woman is more likely to seek out an elusive man.
Why does a woman who seeks intimacy feel attracted to someone who wants to keep her at a distance?
Every time you receive conflicting messages from a man, your attachment system kicks in and you begin to feel anxious about the relationship. You receive a gesture of affection and romance from the desired man that makes your heart beat and you think he is still interested in you, but after a short time the affectionate messages start to mix with the ambiguous ones again and you find yourself at the mercy of a whirlwind of emotions.
So you live waiting and anticipating that small gesture of affection in your thoughts. Tell yourself that it is probably not love, but the attachment system in action. True love is peace of mind!
Here’s what to do when a man pulls away:
What to do when a man doesn’t pay attention to you? Become aware of your behavior in your love life. Becoming more confident is a continuous journey. Accept the fact that in certain areas of life he will never be active. Stop insisting that he changes and accept the fact that this is his nature.
Suddenly he moves away, without giving any more signs of life. There is nothing that drives you crazy more than waiting for a phone call from an elusive man. You go from trepidation, to hope, to worry and finally to anger, to then convince yourself to start over from hope.
If a man doesn’t call you, it’s because he doesn’t want to talk to you, at least not for the moment. But rest assured that he will call you as soon as he feels like having sex. Walk away from the phone, and delete his number so as to avoid the temptation to call him. Always call back, even to take you to bed.
If he calls you back after a week of having sex with you, listen to his apologies, but don’t put much enthusiasm into the conversation. Respect yourself!
Beware of the man who has sex with you and doesn’t call you the next day. He’s distancing himself from you and sending you a very clear message: “Don’t expect anything from me. I’ll try to call you back when I feel like it again, it will be a pleasure to have another round of sex.”
Remember this: After sex, watch his phone pattern to see who you’re dealing with. When you repay a man’s absence with your own coin, he often starts to change his approach to you. When an elusive man doesn’t get the result he was expecting, that is, making you insecure, he’ll probably start to chase you.
